Katrina Labra

stories

What the Hell Are We Supposed to be Doing?

High school fled too fast. University, even faster. It’s been three years of working, and I still don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing.

I get it. Graduate school is a second chance for university. You know, to do better, study harder and for when your over-achiever-but-not-really-doing-anything-significant relatives ask what you do, saying you’re in school doesn’t sound so bad than working in a mmkay-job. Or worse, being unemployed.

I admit it, again and again, and wish that I attended university later on. I would have the chance to figure out what I really wanted, stayed in school and not spend half my time during clearance signing writing multiple excuse letters. Maybe, I would also get much better grades. It would have been a very different life, with a very interesting career choice. I was a slack in school and my only motivation was to finish at the same time everyone else does. I found that this wasn’t the best choice. Nor should anyone ever be forced to attend university because ‘they’ said so. Whoever ‘they’ are. No one ‘forced’ me, per se. But it felt it was necessary to just do it as soon as I finished high school. So yes I did that, got to where I am but what the hell is everyone doing now?

Well, a handful got pregnant and married. Two got their second kid in a span of two years. I rarely use Facebook these days but somehow their photos effortlessly pop up in my feed. It’s also important to note that barely anyone is using their degree like they hoped. And the others? Working at a normal, 9-5 job at some decent company with fluorescent lights. God, I hate those damn fluorescent lights.

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Not sure what I’m trying to say here. This is mostly just me reflecting on my mindless choices which led me to where I am now. I spoke briefly about working from home. Only because there’s not much to say about that. It’s really not that interesting other than getting to stay in pyjamas all day and the occasional travel opportunities. I don’t travel for work though. I bring my work when I travel. So, there’s that. I’m very much an advocate for working from home. When you have the chance and will to, do it and see for yourself.

I enjoy what I do now. But there’s still that lingering doubt every time someone asks me what I do. To them, it feels fake, like I’m not doing any work at all. It’s hard to explain to people who don’t know. But it is very real. I have very real tasks with very real deadlines and earning very real money.

And my question remains, what the hell are we supposed to be doing?

I thought it ends when you land a great job. But it doesn’t. Somehow, there’s more to do left hanging in the air and we are supposed to know what to do with them, without anyone really telling us. There’s the luxury vacations, cozy and well-kept house and a beautiful family. But those are far from where I am now. Tell me, what the hell am I supposed to be doing?